I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
