guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
NoShamevember. You game?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
