Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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