I will die if light touches me.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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