just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
