yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
