I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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