im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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