How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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