8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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