ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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