It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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