She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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