I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Sorry about my life...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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