Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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