9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
