I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
