so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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