how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
