There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
