Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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