If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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