This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
