Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
