I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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