I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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