okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
