So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
