I want to make a zoo with you.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
