I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
