I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We are two peas in an std pod
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
