'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
