Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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