I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
