some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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