Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
