Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
