Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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