saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
