just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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