hell yes lets make some ravioli
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
