Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
