you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
