I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
