dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
