She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
