i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
