and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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