you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
