she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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