I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
