I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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