I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
