I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
