I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
