I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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