Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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